A Post Without a Theme

Seriously, this post is going to be all over the place. Each paragraph could be a whole new topic. By the time you are finished you will have spun around twice, slipped like a grandma using a walker on an ice rink once, and probably felt somewhat nauseated (more than normal while reading my posts.) And if you think I go off on tangents on my other posts, then just brace yourselves, I feel this is the post of tangent posts. I have had some ideas stewing in my mind for a while now, and none of them have blossomed into their own post, so here we go.

First, an open letter to the texting generation:

I get the whole texting thing. I am a texter. I like it because it completely negates the need of the awkward phone call amongst men for a quick message. See, men differ from women in phone etiquette. Prior to texting, if I needed to make a quick call to find out if someone was showing up to the ball game or not, it would take a few minutes due to the obligatory small talk. You know, the how are you? What's up? And the person on the other end being required to ask the same thing... and on and on. Now a quick text handles that. I love it. Women have the ability to turn a quick call into 45 minutes, no matter why they call. Men lack that ability and that desire. If Darwin was right, we will start seeing female children born with phones on their ears. Was the bluetooth phone thing invented by a woman?

I am also okay with some of the shortened phrases. Yep, I'm talking the LOL, LMAO, WTF, BRB, ROFL, ROFLMAO, DYSTH (thanks Angie), ASL?, MMA, BTW, RUOK, RUFTT, BFF, BFFL, KMB (KMA), TTYL, and on and on. My personal favorite is WTF! It's like missionaries always saying "fetching" and feeling like it was okay. I think "fetching" is used more by 19-28 year old LDS men than anyone else on Earth. Even more than dog trainers. (All of this is based on factual information by the way, or BTW.) I understand that typing out many of these is long, and everybody that texts knows these or learns them fast. (If you need any acronym decoded, there are many websites devoted to this.) I implore all texters, however, to strike these immediately from your vocal language. Actually saying "L.O.L." while talking to someone face to face is the most ridiculous thing ever. And it annoys the crap out of me. This is a growing trend amongst the young, olympians of text. It has to stop. Don't make me start a coalition.

Second: An Open Letter about all Celebrities but mostly Tiger Woods:

I tried to avoid this topic, since it is probably the topic of every water cooler conversation worldwide. My only thoughts on this is that it seems no one could surprise me now. I do feel that celebrities do not have a right to privacy however. Let me explain: Celebrities want us to follow them when its the positive stuff. They put themselves in the limelight whether by starring in a movie, owning the PGA for years, whatever, and they want to be top of the charts at those times, asking us into their lives, and then expect privacy on matters like these? No way. Not gonna happen. When we follow you through the good, it translates into big money for you. When things go bad, you better be willing to stay at the plate. Thats all I have to say. That and they just don't make them like Jimmy Stewart anymore. I really hope Jeter's name is not one of the 30 or so remaining on the "yet to be announced steroid list" for MLB. That would be a bigger blow to the sports world than when Tyson bit Holyfield's ear off.

(Side Note: these situations always make the best chain emails. I got one the other day of the "Woods' Christmas Card" showing a beaten up and bruised Tiger and his wife–(x-wife?)–holding a 6-Iron. It made me LOL. It reminded me of a guy that sits near us at Utah Football games that we have for years called the "retarded Tiger Woods." Gotta love Photoshop, Tiger looks like the latest Garbage Pail Kid.)

Is it wrong of me to have been trying to come up with enough information to claim an affair with Tiger too? I could say I was at Augusta in 2004 and met up with Tiger at a sleazy hotel. I am considering this for the financial payoff to keep quiet only. I would never want it to go public. I could settle for 5 million.

Conclusion

I had more to say, more randomness, but this went longer than I thought it would, so I am leaving it there for now. I guess you only spun around once, maybe just stumbled in your walker rather than full on slipping, and didn't quite reach the vomiting Nirvana you were hoping for. TTYL.

Bucket List

Perhaps I feel motivated to open up a little, or perhaps I am curious if any of you do the same thing...regardless, I want to write about my bucket list.

Years before there was ever a “Bucket List” movie, I was sitting in my Adult Roles class, (10th grade I think) making my own “List of 100 Things I Want to Do Before I Die.” This was an assignment. (Other notable assignments that semester:

• design an automobile and give it features based on our personality. I chose a four wheel drive, convertible pick up-my imagination knew no bounds
• carry around a pound of flour or sugar and pretend it was a child we had to take care of for the week–we also had the option of an actual doll, but I opted for the decorated bag of flour over the cabbage patch kid
• ask the hottest girl in school out on a date- I made that up but sure wish it would have been an assignment.)

I was recently reminded of these lists while going through some boxes of junk. I found some of my old lists. It was quite entertaining to read through them again. I loved making these lists. (I am a list maker, remember?) So much that I continued making them throughout my years of college. Constantly updating and changing things as my interests changed.

One thing that kept showing up on these lists was that I wanted to meet the Princess from “The Neverending Story.” I had to google that to try to trigger some memory. Good call on my part, she was and is a hottie.

Another item I had on multiple lists was to go to all 50 states. I have done well at this. I have made it to 38 of them so far. If I stretch my rules (to count a state on my list, it typically had to be more than an airport layover, or a quick drive through the corner- i.e.- driving through the corner of Arizona on I-15 would not allow me to check-off Arizona) I can say 43. I have an eternal grudge against Dave Rock for this. We had gone to the Black Hills and Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. We were only a few miles from North Dakota and I suggested we go to a campsite in North Dakota for the night, so I could scratch it off my list. Dave was driving and protested. We never went. (My grudge goes even further because he was in such a hurry to get home that he would not stop for me to take a pee break. If it would have been his car I would have peed on the floor–one of these days Dave, one of these days!) Can anyone give me a reason to ever go to North Dakota? Perfect opportunity blown. All I can hope for is economic collapse and for North and South Dakota to merge as one state, then that area gets grandfathered in for my list. (We were able to get a “Nature Shot” with the black hills in the background-if you don’t know what a nature shot is, you probably do not want to ask.) The picture is from a town we went through on the way. Population 3? Seriously?

I have not made an actual written list for years, but I realize I still have one, mentally. I want to go to every major league baseball stadium. I have 7 out of 30 done. I get a “double whammy” this April when I have plans to go to Opening Day baseball in Boston. The Red Sox play the Yankees in Boston. Fenway Park (aka Green Monster)- Check. Massachusetts- Check.

Other notable items from my lists of the pasts (ie- I actually wrote these things on my lists at one point or another):

• Compete in an air guitar competition–still out there, though I feel like I invented this skill.
• Throw out a first pitch in a MLB game–lists don’t have to be dream free!
• Make out with the entire cheerleading squad of any NFL team–I feel this is possible, but will take some convincing of Rebecca to let her know they mean nothing to me, its just a list thing.
• Come across a traffic accident involving one of those semi trucks that carry cars, preferably one carrying luxury sports cars–I think the carnage and mayhem would be awesome, and there would be little or no human injuries.
• Go to Everest base camp- I just think it would be cool.
• Stop using parenthesis like crazy–yeah, it’s a weakness.
• Write something that people actually enjoy reading–I am trying, I promise.

These lists were contagious. I have talked many friends into making these lists. Seriously, think about it... what would you put on your list? Start with a list of 50. Realistic, or fantasy, it doesn’t matter. My lists usually have a combination of both, because after all, it takes a lot to fill up a list of 50 or 100 items.

So, do you have such lists? If not, what would you put on one if given the assignment? Let’s hear them! Pssst, if you haven’t already, read the next post too...I have done a couple this week! Hooray!

Nothing Changes On New Years Day

We are approaching a new year. This is a time that has always represented starting over. Doing better. Making a huge change. A clean slate. I always wondered "how did this come to be?" Where is it written that making life changes needs to correspond with years end? I tend to have the more pessimistic approach. As Bono put it, “Nothing Changes On New Years Day.”

Why do we wait until the calendar changes to make changes in our own lives? I was under this mind set in the past. Always setting deadlines and “this is thelast day I will do this or that.” Thinking that somehow there will be a newfound power by coordinating my goals and desired changes with the change of a year, the coming of a new tide, a full moon, no moon, a blue moon(of course the really big changes are saved for the blue moons, since they are so rare), extended sunspots, or sometimes if my horoscope lined up right. More times than not, these magical time periods really didn’t help me, and I found myself pushing deadlines back to correspond with the next phase of whatever looked like it would be beneficial to me. Basically, creative procrastination.

Then I realized that these galactic events and calendars didn’t mean squat. They were about as effective as Daniel Laruso using the Crane Kick against Chozen, the local chinese karate guy that wants to fight to the death. If you have forgotten, the Crane Kick was a staple move in Okinawa, and Chozen easily blocked it. Lucky for Daniel-san this was a sequel, and Mr Miagi had taught him a whole new finishing move based on a baby rattle that everyone not only owned, but happened to have with them when this movie ending fight ensued. Damn, I either need a rattle or my own personal Mr Miagi. (Just for the record, I am absolutely against Will Smith remaking the Karate Kid with his son as Daniel Laruso. This is a travesty that may get its own blog post.)

Many people make resolutions to go the gym, to eat healthier, to wake up earlier, to go to bed earlier, to be a better person, to go to more MLB games, to stop spending money on Pez Dispensors, or whatever. ( I am excluding all references to religious related changes. We all have our own personal Mr Miagi’s in that regard.)

One of my favorite Simpsons episodes is the Treehouse of Horror IV (Halloween special) in which Lisa and Bart stumble across a hangout for vampires. Both are absolutely scared to death of these vampires. During the chase scene, Bart is running up a long spiral stair case. Lisa is in front of him. Bart comes across a switch in the stairwell that says “Super Happy Fun Slide.” Bart stops and looks at the handle. Nothing is said, but you can see the inner struggle in his mind as he contemplates his decision...If he pulls the switch, the vampire will surely catch him, if he keeps running, he may escape. Well, Bart shrugs his shoulders and pulls the switch, changing the staircase into a super happy fun slide. Bart loves sliding down it, until sliding right into the vampire who proceeds to do vampire stuff to Bart, makes Bart a vampire, and then the two of them chase after Lisa.

I often feel this way, making great progress on things I have wanted to change, but along comes the Super Happy Fun Slide and I pull that lever. This nearly happened the other day at Thanksgiving dinner. I was so close to having a Cherry Pepsi that I was ready to throw away my 2 years and 5 months of success to hop back on the soda pop wagon. (Or is it off the wagon? Seinfeld?) I have said before and will probably say again, this was one of the hardest things I have ever done-giving up soda. I am not looking for praise here. I'm just sayin'.

Thanksgiving's near miss made me wonder..Will this ever be easy for me? Or is that what's its all about? A never-ending battle like the one between the Utah Jazz and a championship ring? I hope not, I can't go that long.

Anyhow, I will not be making any New Years Resolutions. If I come up with something that would qualify as a New Years Resolution, why not just start it on December 9th? Or right now? Or tomorrow? I want to hear from someone who disagrees with me. Someone who sets New Years Resolutions and has a success story from doing so? Is there anybody out there?

Was It Worth It?

Yes folks, I am talking In N Out. We waited, as you may know, for about one hour and 45 minutes to eat at In N Out in Draper yesterday, the locations opening day. We are considering camping out over night for the opening of the West Jordan location, just to say we did. So my question is was it worth it? We think so.

We love In N Out burger. It is a regular part of our trips to Disneyland. We almost always stop in either St George or Vegas. It stands alone in quality, taste, and every other burger category. We are not afraid to spend some of out time getting something we like.

Yes, we know we could have waited a week and decreased our wait time, but we view that as having to wait an extra week. Nearly 2 hours is much less time than 1 week.

Critics have accused that we like it so much because it previously was not as accessible to us? Time will tell, but I don't think this is true. Another restaurant we absolutely love is The Waffle House. Unrivaled in waffle making, the closest Waffle House is in Denver. About 4 years ago, Rebecca and I decided to drive to Denver to eat at Waffle House. Denver is an 8 hour drive each way. Luckily, we had friends in Denver to visit as well, so we threw that in there as another reason, but ultimately all we wanted was a waffle and plate of hash browns, diced, covered, and smothered from Waffle House.

Are we the only crazy ones here? I know you all have something equivalent in your lives...and we want to hear them. What would you drive hours for, wait hours for, or do "anything" for? Leave us a comment and tell us what it is you would do and what you would do it for. What would it take? Don't be shy.

Collectibles

The other day I was sitting in my man-cave(formerly known as "my den", but I was informed that calling it a den went extinct with the final episode of Growing Pains) looking at my baseball cards, and it got me thinking about the act of collecting. What makes us want to collect things? (note: this is not a sports post)

I know for me its a natural inability to throw things away, but I also seek out certain things. I have talked a little bit on various occasions of my baseball card collection. I started collecting cards in Junior high because it seemed like the thing to do. Many of my friends were card collectors, and after a few trips to the "card shop", my interest peaked and I started collecting my own. It was cool to have cards of the players that you saw on TV. As I started collecting it became apparent that there was some serious potential for money making. Or so I thought.

If I owned this card, I could sell it for its book price of 2.35 million dollars. Problem is there are only 40 of them known to be left in existence. It is a 1909 Honus Wagner.

My first love as a young kid was money. I used to sell my unwanted toys in the neighborhood. I would put them in a red wagon, pull them around to friend's houses and sell them off. (Come to find out, if I had just kept some of those original GI Joe and Star Wars figures, I could make a killing off them now!) My Dad used to compare me to Alex Keaton. I tried hard to master the ability of knowing which coins were dropped just by the sound they made. (See Family Ties Season 2 episode 8- I think). So I started the whole baseball card collecting experience with the idea that I would save them nice and neat in boxes for 25 years and then sell them for huge profits. And here they sit, in my man cave, and other places. I have probably close to 250,000 cards. I have no idea how much money I have spent on them, but their combined value is probably around 10 grand. Yet I continue to collect them. I missed the boat when Mark McGwire broke the home run record a few years ago. His card value skyrocketed. I have about 20 of his rookie cards that I never paid more than a couple of dollars for. I held out, thinking they would go up and up like a Michael Jordan rookie, then the steroid news broke. His cards plummeted faster than my brothers and me when we tried to jump off our roof using home made parachutes made of bed sheets and blankets.

My favorite player of all time is Will Clark. I used to do whatever I had to do to get every card ever made of him. He was my childhood athlete hero. A tenacious player. Plus he always put the cool black paint under his eyes. I have hundreds of his cards now. My cousin even got me his autograph on a baseball this past year.

So I ask myself, "Why?" Even though I can not think of great reasons to continue collecting, I continue to do so. I am also collecting mini baseball bats from each stadium I visit for a game. This collection has more of a purpose and meaning to me, so I get it. My daughter Tierra collects the papers that I crumple up and put in the garbage. I only found out about this recently. I am a huge "list maker" person. I make "to-do" lists, "to-buy" lists, "quotes to remember" lists, and on and on. I am frequently updating these lists and rewriting them, or even making new ones. As I do, I throw out the old. Tierra has been secretly keeping these crumpled up lists of mine. This cracked me up. I actually have to be sneaky to throw papers away at my house. I collected my belly button lint while I was a missionary. Had a ziplock bag full after my 24 months. When packing to go home I wondered why I had collected it and threw it in the trash. I kind of wish I had that still.

So my question is, what do you friends and readers and family members collect and why? There has got to be some cool collections out there. My brother Danny collects memories of his stupid 10 dollar purchases. (See a previous post about my New York trip last year.) Another friend collects Pez dispensers. My mom collects Mickey and Minnie mouse plush dolls. My grandma collects mini spoons.

While thinking about this collection topic at work the other day it occurred to me that I think some people collect "911 calls." Or they try to set the record for how many times they can call 911. A lady the other day had called us 3 times in 48 hours, and she didn't even have any emergency needs. The 3rd time she called was only 40 minutes after the 2nd time. When we walked in her house she says to me, "You look familiar, do I know you from somewhere?" I said, "Yes, I was here 45 minutes ago." She acted surprised. Nice try lady, I know I am just part of your collection now.