18 December 2009

A Post Without a Theme

Seriously, this post is going to be all over the place. Each paragraph could be a whole new topic. By the time you are finished you will have spun around twice, slipped like a grandma using a walker on an ice rink once, and probably felt somewhat nauseated (more than normal while reading my posts.) And if you think I go off on tangents on my other posts, then just brace yourselves, I feel this is the post of tangent posts. I have had some ideas stewing in my mind for a while now, and none of them have blossomed into their own post, so here we go.

First, an open letter to the texting generation:

I get the whole texting thing. I am a texter. I like it because it completely negates the need of the awkward phone call amongst men for a quick message. See, men differ from women in phone etiquette. Prior to texting, if I needed to make a quick call to find out if someone was showing up to the ball game or not, it would take a few minutes due to the obligatory small talk. You know, the how are you? What's up? And the person on the other end being required to ask the same thing... and on and on. Now a quick text handles that. I love it. Women have the ability to turn a quick call into 45 minutes, no matter why they call. Men lack that ability and that desire. If Darwin was right, we will start seeing female children born with phones on their ears. Was the bluetooth phone thing invented by a woman?

I am also okay with some of the shortened phrases. Yep, I'm talking the LOL, LMAO, WTF, BRB, ROFL, ROFLMAO, DYSTH (thanks Angie), ASL?, MMA, BTW, RUOK, RUFTT, BFF, BFFL, KMB (KMA), TTYL, and on and on. My personal favorite is WTF! It's like missionaries always saying "fetching" and feeling like it was okay. I think "fetching" is used more by 19-28 year old LDS men than anyone else on Earth. Even more than dog trainers. (All of this is based on factual information by the way, or BTW.) I understand that typing out many of these is long, and everybody that texts knows these or learns them fast. (If you need any acronym decoded, there are many websites devoted to this.) I implore all texters, however, to strike these immediately from your vocal language. Actually saying "L.O.L." while talking to someone face to face is the most ridiculous thing ever. And it annoys the crap out of me. This is a growing trend amongst the young, olympians of text. It has to stop. Don't make me start a coalition.

Second: An Open Letter about all Celebrities but mostly Tiger Woods:

I tried to avoid this topic, since it is probably the topic of every water cooler conversation worldwide. My only thoughts on this is that it seems no one could surprise me now. I do feel that celebrities do not have a right to privacy however. Let me explain: Celebrities want us to follow them when its the positive stuff. They put themselves in the limelight whether by starring in a movie, owning the PGA for years, whatever, and they want to be top of the charts at those times, asking us into their lives, and then expect privacy on matters like these? No way. Not gonna happen. When we follow you through the good, it translates into big money for you. When things go bad, you better be willing to stay at the plate. Thats all I have to say. That and they just don't make them like Jimmy Stewart anymore. I really hope Jeter's name is not one of the 30 or so remaining on the "yet to be announced steroid list" for MLB. That would be a bigger blow to the sports world than when Tyson bit Holyfield's ear off.

(Side Note: these situations always make the best chain emails. I got one the other day of the "Woods' Christmas Card" showing a beaten up and bruised Tiger and his wife–(x-wife?)–holding a 6-Iron. It made me LOL. It reminded me of a guy that sits near us at Utah Football games that we have for years called the "retarded Tiger Woods." Gotta love Photoshop, Tiger looks like the latest Garbage Pail Kid.)

Is it wrong of me to have been trying to come up with enough information to claim an affair with Tiger too? I could say I was at Augusta in 2004 and met up with Tiger at a sleazy hotel. I am considering this for the financial payoff to keep quiet only. I would never want it to go public. I could settle for 5 million.


I had more to say, more randomness, but this went longer than I thought it would, so I am leaving it there for now. I guess you only spun around once, maybe just stumbled in your walker rather than full on slipping, and didn't quite reach the vomiting Nirvana you were hoping for. TTYL.