Sluff With Me?

It is late, once again, and due to the Hurricane force winds blowing right outside the fire station window, I am unable to sleep. If I can't sleep, why not blog right?

Well, hop into your Delorians and come back in time with me. Back to my first ever sluffing experience in Junior High School. So there we are, hanging out at Brockbank Junior High School. Home of the Braves. I was such a good student. Tried real hard to get good grades, and got them. Also tried hard to not be the awkward nerd of the class. Yeah. Well, one day I decided it was time to see what this sluffing stuff was all about. It took me three weeks to build up the courage to go through with it. My only experience missing school when I was suppose to be in class, up to this point of my life, was for ski club (not counting illnesses and other things that keep you at home.) Alas, the day came for me to play hookie. I am sure I was scared to death. Knowing me, I probably ran through every "what-if" scenario there ever was. Somehow I still convinced myself that it was a good idea. I also talked a few friends into joining me. (This began a motto that I only recently realized I have followed much of my life: " Don't be famous alone." In other words, if you are going to get in trouble, make sure you get in trouble as a group!)

Our group of newly made sluffers hightail it away from Brockbank up to 3100 South to catch the good old UTA number 37. I, or we, had decided to go see a movie. The 37 bus went to Valley Fair Mall and then 1 simple transfer to another bus stopped at the movie theater by the Arbys on 5400 South. I am not positive, but I think it was called Mann Movies 6. (Not sure what it's called now, but it is still there.) There was a new movie about surfing that we all wanted to see. Safely on the bus, riding to the upper east side of Taylorsville was such a rush. Sluffing was so easy. We didn't even get chased and the bus driver let us on for our 35 cents in change (scrounged earlier that day by begging everyone for their nickels at the vending machine.) If the bus driver didn't say anything, surely we were 'scott-free.' I don't remember much about the bus ride. I am sure I was nervous about making the right transfer. I am sure we all had stories about how cool it was gonna be and how cool and grown up and brave we were for pulling this off. The movie was surely going to be a good one as well. Movies were probably way better when watched during school hours.

So we make our transfer and get to the movie place. Jazey Drecksel and I saw Terminator 2 opening day at that movie house. We thought we were cool on that day also because Jazey's older sister gave us a ride and bought us the tickets because it was rated 'R'. We were only 15 and she was 18.

Back to sluffing...once at the movie house we went up to the ticket window after searching over the movies and proudly bought our tickets for.......BEACHES. We knew there was a new surfing movie playing, so a movie named Beaches had to be the one, right? Once inside, we loaded up with huge popcorn buckets, drinks and candy and carefully chose our seats. You remember how you were in Jr High, thinking you knew the exact best seat to choose at the movies. Well, that's how we were.

My memory after that is even more shady than it has been to this point. I remember lasting about 10-15 minutes through the first part of Beaches (which seemed much longer than waiting for U2 to release something after Joshua Tree) and then getting out of there faster than we had ran from Brockbank. Surely we were cursed. Suddenly sluffing was not that cool. Our future manhood not only challenged but quite possibly irreparably scarred. I am positive it temporarily stunted our growth. We thought for sure we were being punished for skipping school. I really don't remember going home, or back to school-the rest of the day is forever purged from memory. I do remember not sluffing for quite a while after that. I still have not seen past the first 15 minutes of Beaches either.

Randomness of Spring

I figure I can't be a huge fan of Groundhog Day and not post on the official first day of Spring. One of my favorite lines from Groundhog Day is when the guy stops Phil Connors in the hall of the bed and breakfast on the first morning and asks him, "You think it will be an early Spring?"

Phil replies, "I am betting March 21st."

The guy then says, "You know, I think that actually is the first day of Spring." Classic. My other favorite line (out of so many to choose from) "Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today!"

Groundhog Day. Best movie ever.

So it is the first day of Spring today, despite the fact that I think it snows more in the Spring than it does in the Winter anymore. I don't remember ever craving the warmth of Spring and Summer before like I do this year. I really badly want to be sitting on a beach and swimming in the Ocean.

Can anyone tell me the point of twitter? I signed up out of curiosity. I sent emails to a few celebrities inviting them to follow me, but they aren't. I am not sure what I am doing wrong.

Back to Spring. I am not sure what happens in people's heads when the weather turns warmer. Speaking from a work perspective, they get stupid (er). Don't get me wrong, for the most part stupidity keeps us in business, so it's not all bad, but it is comical. Many people, by my guess, would say that Winter and snowy roads is responsible for an increase in car accidents. I have learned that is wrong. Seriously. Its true there are wrecks when the snow covers the roads, but for the most part they are minor slide offs and such. When the weather warms up, drivers are anxious to get out on drives and see the country. They put the top down and "cruise." Well, they also crash. It happens every year. The first couple weeks of warmer weather we always respond on an increase of car accidents. Bad ones too. People are more confident on the dry roads. The drive faster. They drive more carelessly.

A few years ago, on a nice spring day at work, we were in Spring fever mode as well. So much so that we had a huge water fight using the fire hoses on the fire truck...one of the perks of our job. It started with one of the guys splashing a cup of water at someone who was sleeping. That led to a filled up bucket, which led to a bucket of water being thrown on one of the guys that was studying from the books, and before we knew it it was a full fledged everyone-versus-everyone water fight. Like I said, fire trucks and hoses were used. This went on for about 30 minutes. We were all soaked to the bone as they say. I would have been more dry if I were wading in a shoulder deep swimming pool. The only reason it ended was because we got a medical call. So we respond to a house for a call to a choking child. We didn't have time to dry off. We just hopped in our trucks and went. When we arrived, dripping wet, the caller met us at the front door and said that the kid was okay, he had choked the hot dog out a few seconds before we got there. I asked the mother to bring the kid out to us so we could avoid soaking her home with our dripping wet clothes. The looks we got when we arrived were priceless. We could tell the family wanted to hear a story, but we kept it mysterious. I should go start a water fight right now.

Groundhog Day

I absolutely love Groundhog Day. My deep infatuation stems from the movie for sure. Loved that movie. Still love that movie. It ranks on my all time top 5 with Gross Point Blank, Karate Kid, Ghostbusters, and Encino Man. I have made every analyzation possible of each of the above movies, but more so with Groundhog Day.

There are so many creative moments of genius shown in this movie, yet so many things they could have also done. I have always hoped for a sequel or a full length deleted scenes release.

Have you ever thought about the things you would do, if you had your own personal Groundhog Day? Well, I have. Quick synopsis for those that have been deprived of seeing this film: A weatherman wakes up each morning and it is groundhog day, again and again and again, for years presumably. Only he doesn’t start over, he remembers each day, knows that he is stuck on the same day. So what would you do with your own Groundhog Day? Number 1 Groundhog Day activity for me? Dominoes. As in long trains of dominoes that you knock down and they make cool pictures and so on. Not the pizza. Yep, I would spend day after day learning how to make really long trains of dominoes to knock down. I guess it wouldn’t be day after day because its my Groundhog Day right? I would also learn the piano, the yukalaylee, and the guitar.
If only Groundhog Day were during baseball season. I could get half the stadiums done in one day! Did I mention that is the major item on my bucket list? To see a baseball game in every major league stadium. Bill Murray (the star of Groundhog Day) used to own the Salt Lake Trappers. Funny how so many things revolve around baseball.

Did you hear about how PETA wants to sue the Punxatawny Phil
caretakers for poor living arrangements? Seriously? He probably has it better than most of Kearns. (Trust me on this one, I have been in a lot of the houses there.) Seriously, that’s ridiculous.

Another Boring Work Story

As part of our training for paramedic school we are required to spend 16 hours in the Labor and Delivery unit at a couple different hospitals. Depending on the day, you could literally see nearly 50 deliveries. The staff runs you from room to room to observe and assist with as many as they can “squeeze” you into. This was my experience. Two separate 8 hour days rushing room to room after room, watching baby after baby after baby “pop” out. It really is the best description because I was rarely in the room for all of the pre-delivery stuff. I would get to the room as the baby was on the move and would get in there just in time for it to “pop” out. Once it was out, I would do a quick assessment with the nurse and then they would rush me to the next one. Towards the end of the day, some of the Doctors let you be the one to actually deliver the baby. We receive this extensive training because it is rare that we are called to an emergency scene to deliver a child, but it does happen once in a while. I have had two “emergency” deliveries in ten years. Both of them have been “textbook” deliveries with no complications other than the child showed up a lot faster than the mothers were planning on. My first was on the freeway on Christmas Day 7 or 8 years ago-which is probably a story all by itself, but it’s the second one I want to tell you about. This goes down as one of the top five memories from this past decade of work.

So I am working at a station with a good friend. The two of us got hired together, went to paramedic school together, and became good friends and hang out often on days off. When we actually worked together on the Rescue–it was rare–we had great times.

So we are working together, at a pretty busy station. We had already been on 3 or 4 calls when another call came in for an “immanent delivery.” We responded to a home to find a woman, 39 weeks pregnant, lying on her floor. Her husband was near her, placing cold rags on her forehead. As soon as we walk through the door she tells us the baby was coming (When a mother says this, its usually true.) We went into delivery mode right away, creating a sterile environment, preparing to do all the things you have to do to deliver a child. We find out that this will be their 6th child, and that they did not learn the sex during the ultrasound. They were wanting to be surprised. The delivery goes smooth as can be. No complications. Textbook. As the baby is delivered my partner tells them congratulations, it is a baby boy. My job at this point is to document everything and make a call to the hospital to inform them that we will be bringing a mother and newborn to their facility. The father starts making phone calls to friends and family, and mini celebrations are going on all around us about the birth of the new baby boy.

At this point, I glance down towards the baby to do a quick second assessment that we do on newborns. A score is assessed based on several things: breathing, appearance, muscle tone, etc. As I do my quick check, I noticed that a very important “boy part” is missing. I do the obligatory “eh-hum” to notify my partner that the baby is actually female. This is the point that, had we been a cartoon, the automatic sound bite of screeching brakes would automatically cue. My partner gets the family’s attention and solemnly tells them the update. As you can probably imagine, this causes sheer confusion. Almost a little panic. The father rushes over in disbelief, like it was a poorly timed April Fools joke, to see for himself as my partner tries his best to restore the initial excitement. “Its a baby girl, hooray?” It took a few minutes, but everything cleared up and turned out to be okay, except for the career long razzing that continues to be dished out in true firefighter fashion.

A Decade of Firefighting (sort of)

As promised, I am taking a look back over the past 10 years of work. Bringing back the crazy stories. If not crazy, then memorable. If not memorable, then at least made up just to entertain.

So what are the top 5 moments of the past decade from my sole perspective of working as a firefighter? I will write them one post at a time, in no specific order, starting with this one:

2004: We get paged out to a person complaining of a headache. This is a common call for us, and headaches can be serious. (signs of stroke, concussion, meningitis, etc). As we arrive, we see a 25 year old man with both hand on his head, holding it. As we approach him he tells us “my head is going to explode!” So picture a man who thinks his head is about to explode, who is holding his head to prevent that.... that is what we have so far. So my partner and I ask him to calm down and put his hands down so we can get him checked out. He adamantly refuses to remove his hands telling us he doesn’t want his brains to splatter all over us when his head explodes. Nice of him, right? So we ask,”Why do you think your head is going to explode?”

“Because there is an android in there.”

“An Android?”

“Yes,” he says, accompanied with a look that says, “DUH!” Like we are the dumb ones.

“How did the android get in your head?”

Again, a glare that makes us feel like we just asked the dumbest question in the world, but this time accompanied with a sigh, like he realizes we are absolute idiots when it comes to androids and heads. “The Mexican Mafia put it in there.”

So now, imagine this guy, 25 years old, who appears to one-hundred-percent believe what he is telling us. Also imagine us, having a sense of duty, and trying our absolute hardest not to laugh out loud (LOL) at this. Even though we have to remain professional, I still had to ask, and I know you would have asked too, “Why did the Mexican Mafia put an android in your head?”

“To stop me from doing my job!” Remember, the looks of impatience from our new troubled friend continue–and worsen–with each answer.

Still we press on, “What job is it that the Mexican Mafia wants to prevent you from doing?”

Sigh, “Filtering spirits.”

“Filtering spirits?” We exchange glances, because we thought we were confused when he mentioned the android, now this.

“Yes.” At this point we see the build up in his eyes, as if he just realized that he needs to tell us the whole story without our asking. During his long version, we manage a few questions of clarification, but keep it to a minimum. So he recaps–briefly–the above, and says, “My job is to filter spirits because I am the son of god. Not the actual son of god, but one of them, and I help him out by filtering the good spirits from the bad that he sends me. That way his job easier. But the Mexican Mafia got word of my job, and want it to stop. That’s why they put the android in my head. The android stops me from doing my job, but the spirits keep coming. There are almost too many of them. My head is going to explode any minute and I am going to cover you guys with lots of brains and blood.”

After his story we tell him that we need to take him to the hospital because our android-removal tool was broken earlier in the day when we removed another android, and the only working one left in the state was at the hospital. He accepts this story and happily gets transported.

Moral of the story. Don’t do drugs, especially not METH. The hospital gave us a follow up call and informed us the guy had so much meth in his system we could have scratched his arm and sniffed him to get high.

I have already written on here about a couple of others, but I link them here for easy indexing. Remember the one about almost doing CPR on the wrong lady? Thats here: http://chadsaysrebeccasays.blogspot.com/2009/07/new-title-chad-says-rebecca-listens-and.html

And finally the girlfriend passing gas at her boyfriends house: http://chadsaysrebeccasays.blogspot.com/2009/10/best-job-in-world.html

More in a few days.